Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Unpredictable


“Nathan!” Mrs. Simmons yelled shrilly. She maneuvered around the labyrinth of glitter dusted tables, and piles of light up sneakers to the rug in the center of the room, to where Nathan Baker stood over his brother Thomas lifting him up by his shirt. Thomas had a bloody nose and a split lip, and the pallor of his gaunt face was more prominent than usual.
“What have you done?” The teacher directed toward Nathan, who just stared at her as if nothing was wrong.

“I think it’s time for you to take a trip to the office young man. Once again, your callowness has shined through.” She said, in a low angry tone.
Mrs. Simmons cradled Thomas in her hands and rushed down the carpeted hallway to the Nurses office. She plopped Nathan on the examination bed, which smelled of rancid dirty socks, and handed him over to the Nurse, Mrs. Brown. About 15 minutes later, right before the school day ended, Thomas showed up back in Mrs. Simmons classroom with a cherry red lollipop in one hand and an icepack in the other. He looked content, but also partially in pain.
“Thomas, are you alright?” Mrs. Simmons asked him.
Thomas nodded, and then flinched in pain. The bleeding had stopped, but the bruising had begun.
Strangely, this wasn’t an irregular thing. It usually didn’t take until the end of the day for Nathan to have Thomas in tears. He treated him like a piece of dirt, but usually only verbally. Mrs. Simmons wondered what set him off today. Nathan knew the time out corner like the back of his hand, and wasn’t ashamed of it. He and a small bevy of his friends were the bullies of the first grade class, but Nathan got the worst of it. The real reason for this feud was because Nathan didn’t feel he got the attention he deserved. After Thomas was born, all the attention turned to him, the dimpled, baby faced brown haired boy that everyone loved. He was jealous, and that jealousy never seemed to fade.
Mrs. Simmons sat Thomas and Nathan down at one of the blue round tables in the class, likes she did every time something like this happened. Their class mates giggled at the door, trying to listen to what had happened in the most recent battle royal. Nathan took his usual seat across the table, propping his legs up, and Thomas sat right next to Mrs. Simmons. Apologize were exchanged, lessons learned, and nothing really changed for either of them. The discussion was soon over, and the kids ran off out of the school to meet their parents eager to go to soccer practice, or piano lessons.
Nathan and Thomas greeted their mother, Beth, in front of the familiar red minivan and jumped up into their seats. Beth took one glance at Thomas and let out a shrill cry.
“My baby! What happened to-” she stopped mid sentence and turned to Nathan who was haphazardly casting his books out of his backpack into the car looking for leftover snack.
“Nathan Isaac Baker, what in heavens did you do to him now?” she exclaimed, reprimanding him.
“I was just playing.” He said, snickering into his palm.
“This,” she said, pointing to his lip, “Is not playing. You are grounded until your married!” then Beth picked up the heaviest book that flew out of his backpack and hit Nathan upside the head.
“I hate you!” Nathan yelled. “I hate you all! Especially you Thomas. I hate you the most! No one pays attention to me! It’s all about you!” he said, then took off into the parking lot away from the van.
Thomas pulled his thumb out of his mouth and cast a panicked glance at his mother.
“Mommy? Tom exclaimed. “Why did he say that? It wasn’t true, right?”
“Oh sweetie, of course not!” Beth embraced Thomas, and mashed his face into her curly brown hair. What was she supposed to say?
“I have to go get him. I have to tell Nathan I love him. Because maybe he doesn’t know. NATHAN!” Thomas wiggled out of his mothers iron grip and sprinted into the parking lot.”
“Thomas get back here! Thomas!” She exclaimed. But he had already run halfway back to the school where Thomas sat by the front doors, face nestled in his hands.
“Nathan! Thomas tried again. “You don’t have to worry! Mom and I love you just as much as anyone loves me. And even if you get mad sometimes, I still-“he was cut short by the loud horn of a pickup truck turning into the parking lot by the front school. Just as Thomas finished its sentence the bumper of the truck knocked him prostrate on the road.
“Thomas!” Nathan immediately jumped up from his sitting position and ran over to his brother, leaning down over his closed eyes, and still chest.

“Ring this buzzer on the side of the bed if you need me,” the nurse said glibly to Beth, in contrast to the otherwise tense emotion in the room. The crash had left Thomas in a coma, with severe hemorrhaging and after the incident Nathan was by his side nonstop. He refused to leave the room, and sat right by Thomas bed starting at his closed eyes. Nathan read stories to Thomas and left little cups of chocolate pudding by his hand in case he woke up hungry. Immediately after the accident Beth had seen a change in Nathan. He had realized that in that moment he could have lost his brother forever and there was still a chance that would happen now. As Nathan stood over Thomas, he constantly blamed himself for what had happened. Beth had tried to convince him that was nonsense, but he didn’t believe her.
Nathan, Beth, a few nurses, and Tom’s father all sat cramped in the tiny patients room watching the monitor like their favorite TV show. Hours had gone by without a clue as to Tom’s condition. But suddenly, everyone’s heads perked up with the sound of a constant beeping.
“Mommy?” Nathan asked impatiently, “Mommy what’s that? What’s happening?”
“I…I’m not sure. Nurse!” she pressed the small white button and watched as the nurse rushed into the room.
“The monitors beeping. What does this mean?” she asked.
“Well, it looks as if Tom is waking up!” she informed us after checking the monitor. “His heart is at a steady pace, and his brain is functioning normally.”
“Does this mean he’s ok?” Nathan asked hopefully.
“Well, let’s go and see.” The nurse replied. They all walked over to Thomas bed to find no change.
“Thomas. Thomas can you hear me?” the nurse said. And then, Thomas stirred just the tiniest bit, and everyone in the room gasped. In a matter of minutes, he had opened his eyes, and accidentally knocked one of the pudding cups off of the bed. Thomas looked around the room in shock, and seemed vexed and disoriented.
“You’re ok! My baby. We thought we were going to lose you!” Beth said, alleviated, and kissed him lightly on the forehead, brushing his hair out of his eyes.
“How do you feel?” Thomas didn’t respond, but smiled weakly up at his mother.
Nathan ran up to his bed next.
“Oh Thomas! I’m so sorry. It was my entire fault you got into the accident; I shouldn’t have treated you that way.” He exclaimed, tears building in his eyes.
“I promise to never ever be mean to you again. You’re my brother, and I’ve always loved you.” He embraced Thomas, who in turn let out a squeal of pain.
“Nathan, honey, you should probably let Thomas rest.” Beth told Nathan.
“No, it’s ok,” Thomas replied weakly.
“Nathan, I love you too.” He said.
“And the accident was not your fault,” Beth added, “it happened by chance, and life can be full of surprises, and that should remind us all to love the people who are close to us more.”
Thomas was emancipated from the hospital that night. The brother grew closer to each other with each passing day and Nathan never layed a finger on Thomas. But that day was ended with a lesson, that you can lose the ones you love when you least expect it.

4 comments:

betty said...

Callowness- noun meaning foolishness/immaturity
Hemmoraging- a noun meaning heavy bleeding
Emancipate- verb, meaning to set free
Bevy- noun, meaning small group
Cast- verb, meaning to set free
Shrilly- avd, meaning loudly/ piercing
Rancid- adj, meaning rotten
Alleviate- v, meaning to relieve
Vexed- verb, meaning confused
Prostrate- adj, meaning face down on the ground
Pallor- noun, meaning ghostly whiteness
Gaunt- adj, meaning thin and bony
Glibly- adv, meaning relaxed
Labrynth- n, meaning maze

gracie said...

im sorry i commented on your story. i had no right to, and i dont even know any of you.

betty said...

um, thanks?

betty said...

1. The biggest change i made to the story was changing the point of view from the teachers, in first person, to 3rd person omniscient. Also, i took some of the advice on my comments, and developed the brothers relationship even more.

2.I think the best editing process we used were the comments. You got a wider range of feedback, and it didn't include much about the plot of the story, that the author would already know, and more personal feedback.

3.I think that the best quality of my story was description, because i thought i added just the right amount of description to both add to the story, but not weigh it down or go over the word limit.

4.My advice to people writing their short stories is to have a set theme in mind because this is what really shapes your story, and it will be much easier and quicker to write.